During my pregnancy

When you find out you are pregnant, everything is a fairytale. That is if you are happy that you are pregnant. You don't think about the millions of things that could go wrong. Pregnancy is bliss, even if it is hard. Why? Because you are bringing a new, beautiful, completely unique life into the world. You don't stop and think...jeez I bet my child is going to be born with a life threatening disorder. You are too busy planing for the baby, is it a boy or girl, what will the baby's name be? What color should the nursery be...etc. Then one day you get bad news...at least that's what happened to me! I will never forget that day, as long as I live. I was at my OB-GYN's office for a monthly check up and an ultrasound. I had my ultrasound first...already knowing I was having a girl(because of a previous ultrasound) I was not surprised when the tech said, oh looks like a girl. But then something happened, a very concerned look washed over her face, and she left the room without a word. Soon she returned and told me the doctor was ready to see me. I sat in the room on the table and waited, for what seemed an eternity. Eventually, my doctor came in and I could tell from her expression something was definitely wrong. She sat across from me and opened my file, then she said "there seems to be an abnormality on the baby, we want to send you to a specialist to determine what it is." My heart sunk to my stomach, and I felt the weight of the world crushing my chest. I had approximately 2 months left in my pregnancy...how could something be wrong now? So the next morning I went to a local hospital and saw the specialist, he did more ultrasounds, and he too had the concerned look on his face that mirrored the ultrasound tech, and my OB's. He told us that our perfect little life that we were bringing into this world, was in fact not "perfect." She has "ambiguous genitalia." My reality was shattered and I felt as though I was going to get sick. He told us of several possibilities but nothing he told us could have prepared us for the reality of the situation. I have dealt with depression and anxiety problems since I can remember, but they were never as bad as they were after I found out this new information about my baby. I spent weeks worrying, not knowing what to be most worried about, because we didn't know why our daughter had ambiguous genitalia. I began having anxiety attacks several times a week and my blood pressure spiked. I was unable to eat, sleep, and even concentrate on the world around me. I missed precious time with my 2 year old because I was in and out of the hospital, put on rest, and just too depressed to give her the attention she needed. Finally, one day my OB decided it would be best for baby and me, if I were induced. We scheduled the induction for May 20, 2009.